Frequently Asked Questions

Have a look through our FAQ’s, and if you have more questions, do get in touch: info@growingme.co.uk

Life story work is about making sense of ourselves. For those who have been removed from birth parents, there can be feelings of not being loveable, not belonging, and like they are to blame for the traumas of the past.  Truly therapeutic life story work helps a child feel loveable, know they belong and that they are not responsible for events of the past. 

For some children, details of the past will help them make sense of themselves.  For others, thinking about the past is not helpful.   At Growing Me we believe that everyone’s story is their own, and we hear from children that they want grown ups to explore things with them, not have interventions done to them.  

Despite the name, TLSW is not primarily about information giving. In the first session of Growing Me, a child and their trusted grown up agree what, if anything, the child wants to think about from their past. Therapeutic Life Story Work is child led, and is useful in building a sense of self, even if no specific details are discussed.

Growing Me works best with children aged 7 to 13, It can work with young people up to 24, depending on where they are in life.

People grow at different rates. Our reading ages, skills and abilities can all be different even if we are exactly the same age as someone.

For children who have experienced early life trauma the differences are even greater because they did not get what they needed as they were growing. The resulting gaps in their development mean it is often wise to consider the emotional age of a child to be younger than that for their chronological years. For this reason Growing Me may be appropriate for any child who has the ability to reflect.

Of course not all will engage, but we have found that even some older teenagers and young adults can engage with Growing Me because it engages the playful and younger aspects of themselves. 

You may well be! Anyone who has a consistent and trusting relationship with a care-experienced child can be alongside them as they learn about themselves. 

You may be an adoptive, birth, kinship, foster or kinship parent, a pastoral lead or teaching assistant, a support worker, a key-worker, or a social worker. 

The important thing is the relationship you have with the child. Along with this you will need: 

– A regular time slot that you can devote to Growing Me (10 x 45 to 60 minute sessions with your child, + 10 x 15mins preparation for yourself) 

– Support for yourself. Whether that is a friend or a professional, we encourage all Grown ups taking on Growing Me to think about who and what they need to support them.

Absolutely! 

Growing Me is created by Ellie (HCPC Accredited Professional AS16272, British Association of Art Therapist Member 43461, EMDR Association UK Member S0832) and Nicky (an adoptive mum and designer).  We have been supported along the way by countless care-experienced families and professionals to ensure that what we are providing is trauma informed.  We have poured so much time and love and skill into every word, and every design, because we are so passionate about helping care-experienced children feel loved and cared for.

– Initially, Paul Hamlyn Foundation funded us to research what was needed.  We spoke to families, social workers, therapists, and charities (Barnardos, NAOTP) and built a really detailed understanding of what would work for different groups.

– A National Lottery Community Fund grant paid for us to create and pilot our initial content and designs (pre web-app).  The evaluations and feedback from these workshops fed into the final designs of both the physical toolkit activities, and the digital web app.

– Dr Rachel Alexander, HCPC registered Psychologist, reviewed the Growing Me content.  Dr Alexander, specialises in working with children and families, particularly supporting families where children had trauma and attachment related difficulties.  The feedback from Rachel for the final narration was ‘You should definitely be confidently sending this out into the world, it’s brilliant.’

– Now Growing Me is in use, we have applied to the NIHR to do a research project with the University of Salford about the effectiveness of Growing Me when compared to more traditional methods of TLSW.  We are awaiting a decision on whether we have been successful.  In the meantime, we are collecting feedback from the toolkits that are already out there and early indications have been massively positive! 

It is because of your relationship with the child that you may be the best person to support them. 

It’s really important that every grown up in a child’s life is empowered to do what they can, otherwise, sadly, too many children end up struggling.  A therapist is right for some people some of the time.  And yet, therapists are not the only ones who are capable of offering therapeutic support. 

Your hand will be held every step of the way. Ellie, who is trained in DDP, Theraplay, Art Psychotherapy, and EMDR, narrates the whole ten sessions.  We have been told by parents doing Growing Me, that they get all the benefits of having a therapist, without having to invite another stranger into their lives. Growing Me gives you the tools to support a child with confidence!

If your own past was difficult (and let’s face it, many have childhoods that were less than perfect) you may find that you revisit some of your own story.  It may be that this is what makes you the very best person to do this work.

The structure of Growing Me places the grown-up at the centre of the journey with each session beginning with a Grown-up Only bit. From then on, there is a step-by-step guide from the first to the last session. 

A parent has told us “The narrations felt like you were there in the room with me. I never thought I could talk about feelings with ****** , but Growing Me really did make it easy. I do feel much more confident now”

Most importantly, Growing Me nurtures the relationship between grown up and child, and that relationship could be yours.

The answer is that it depends, but it is always led by the child.

In the first session, the child has the opportunity to ask questions about their past. So at this point you’ll know if you need to go hunting for the information. They will tell you what they want to know.  It is super important that we respect their boundaries and do not retell painful details that they are not wanting to hear.

You may have access to the information already, or you may need to contact the Local Authority that was responsible for placing your child before they came to you.  

It’s OK if you can’t get hold of information – tell children the truth. Dealing with ‘not-knowing’ is an important part of the process for care-experienced children.

We cannot know, for example, why some people did what they did – or why a court made a certain decision. But we can reflect just how hard it is not to know all the facts and reasons they happened. As a child grows, they will form a relationship with their past in a way that makes sense to them.

It’s natural to feel worried.

By delivering GM you may well discover that you already are everything your child needs you to be!

The Grown-up Bit of Growing Me has been designed with care for you in mind. It offers reflective space and empowering exercises, as well as useful information that will support you to support your child.  In addition, Growing Me asks you to nominate a Supporter.

You may feel you need a professional therapist to support you, or there may be someone else who you have a trusting relationship with.  You may agree to a weekly phone call or an email, or an occasional cup of tea and catch up – think about who will be a good sounding board to help you feel empowered.

Every Local Authority has a Emotional Health and Wellbeing for Children In Care Budget (EHWC) to support looked after children.  Sometimes this is contracted out to a charity (such as Action for Children) and sometimes there is a LAC team that sits within CAMHS.  If your child is in-care, this is a good place to start to see what support they can offer you if and when it’s needed.  Other charities, such as Adoption UK, CoECT, as well as post-adoption support offer phone support too.

If your child has specific questions and you need to access information about your child’s past, the best place to start is the placing Local Authority.

Yes. A high proportion of care-experienced children are neurodivergent, so this has been a consideration from the beginning. Sensory considerations are paramount and from the first to the last session helping the child and grownup feel their own version of good is a number one priority.

Growing Me was designed by mums with neurodivergent children of their own 🙂

Growing me is to be used with in the bounds of an established, trusting relationship. It is not a crisis intervention. If that relationship is in place, now could be a good time for Growing Me.

Think about what you want for you and your child. What are your dreams, and is anything getting in the way?

Growing Me invites you to think about how a child experiences themselves, and their relationships with others. It will help them recognise their unique resources; it will help them find out that, no matter what’s been going on, they are ‘normal’, and that their feelings and behaviours make sense. Growing Me will suit any child with a curious mind (that’s most, right?!) and any grown-up who wants to help them find life enhancing answers to their questions.

However, there will be times when Growing Me needs to be considered as part of a bigger intervention, or it simply might not be the right time at all. If a child’s living situation is unstable (a move may be imminent or has just happened), or school or the community feels unsafe (e.g. bullying, difficult relationship with a teacher), it is these external events that need to be addressed first. Growing Me informs and empowers both grown-ups and children, so it is possible that the journey will help them cope better with current challenges. However, it must be noted that if an external threat accompanies a child’s Growing Me journey, their ability to engage and benefit could be negatively impacted.

Growing Me is a journey of discovery for a child and their trusted grown-up with their relationship at the core. For this reason, Growing Me does not recommend passing the kit to another adult unless it is cannot be avoided

However, we know that life happens and, if the grown-up needs to stop, the kit can be passed to another suitable grown-up that the child will feel safe with. The login details can be altered in My Dashboard – My Account Details, so that the new pair can pick up where the child left off. However, it may be that the child wishes to go back and revisit previous sessions with the new grown-up, which would be a great way to begin.

However a child responds outwardly to change, their feelings must be considered. Endings and changes can be difficult for any child but for those who have experienced separation and loss a change in grown-up may trigger earlier memories of abandonment, and feelings of self-blame. Children are seldom in control of changes that happen around them so as much notice as possible is crucial. The feeling of ‘loss’ will come into the sessions and must be named by the grown-up, whether or not the child acknowledges it. It is important that the child is told they have done nothing wrong, and are not responsible for the change in grown-up.

The 10 Grown-up Bits of the journey provide vital information about the process the pair have gone through, and support the grown-up as they step into their new role. We recommend that the new adult listens to the sessions missed. It’s also advisable for the grown-ups to spend some time in a hand-over; discuss the process, share the child’s journey in art work, and anecdotes. It may be that, if done well, the change in grown-up may allow the child to revisit previous losses and to process them within the framework of Growing Me.

It can be hard to talk to children about therapeutic interventions that we grownups think will be good for them. Here are some ideas that you might want to adapt:

First intro conversation to Growing Me:

“I’ve found this fun website that I think you’ll like. It comes with a massive box of things for us to do together – and I would love to make time to look at it with you. It’s for you and me – not for ……… (name of other sibling/children in house/class).”

“I’m going to make time for us to do Growing Me… and I’d really like to do this.

I will make regular times for us to watch the website and play with the kit. (We might need to take time off school – if that’s possible). In Growing Me time we get to decide what snacks to bring.. I think I know what you want!!”

Let’s be blunt, for some children the lure of time off school and snacks will be what it takes to engage – but for others it will be something different. Some children find it hard to admit they want fun times with their grown-ups, but most children will be happy to make time for this. One-to-one time with a caring adult is often a rarity for children so this can be a big selling point, even if they don’t admit to wanting it.

Early life trauma impacts the developing body, mind, and emotional systems of a child and, sadly, there is no easy ‘fix’. In fact ‘fix’ isn’t really the best word to use.

However, senses can get better at making sense of the world, the body’s safety systems can learn to feel calmer, behaviour can change, and safety can be experienced in relationships more often than fear.

Growing Me brings all of these aspects into the arms of the most important determiner of all – the relationship a child has with an important grown up.  Growing Me is part of a child’s life and their journey.

There are so many reasons to be hopeful for children who have experienced early life trauma. Care-experienced adults and young people are incredible people, doing incredible things not in spite of their trauma – but in many cases because of it. 

We develop resilience, and creative resourcefulness, from extreme experiences. So Growing Me reminds us to have faith in the people we care for and to envisage positive futures for them. Although a person’s trauma can’t be ‘fixed’ there is every reason to believe they will be wonderful.

Yes.

Growing Me is an interactive, creative, educational, and explorative process that invites a child to understand and express their experience of themselves – ao a child will ‘engage with’ their story rather than have it ‘delivered to’ them.

If your child has a Life Story Book already, you have not only information about their past, but clues to how your child feels about it. Growing Me will invite them to explore, understand, and express themselves on their terms, with a person who is important to them.

Yes.

Because Growing Me is done with a grown-up who the child already knows, it means that therapeutic learning can be brought into everyday life, and into an important relationship.

Growing Me contains aspects of sensory integration, and trauma and attachment therapy modalities, as well as art therapy, and creative therapeutic life story work. Any previous therapy your child has done will be built upon with the tools that Growing Me offers.

If your child is currently having therapy please speak to their therapist about whether Growing Me could complement the work they are doing.

If you are using a Growing Me toolkit that you have purchased:

When you purchase Growing Me, you will set up an email and password so that you can log in.

If someone has bought you a coupon:

Go to the shop, and click on ‘order toolkit’ as if you are going to buy it.  Under the basket, there is a place to enter a coupon code.  Type in the code you have been given, and then fill in your details so that a toolkit will be sent to you, and you will be able to log in as above.

There’s no time limit on the coupon, so just redeem it when you are ready!